The Silence Between Words

lines were drawn and erased a number of times, watching the same episode I know all the lines. on a low-lit Sunday night in a despicable blaze, you show me how to escape from the haze. soon enough it was a whirlwind of small thoughts; 'is he thinking of me' I stop and analyze. down to every single word in a casual text, just to see the branches of your affection deflexed. waiting for you to lash out so I could run and hide behind all the high lines of armour. to live like you never happened in the day and your name on every thought doesn't stay. every hour just to see if you've worn me out, just to see if you can still talk me out, of eating a dry and tasteless fruit in the middle of a hurricane in a parachute. I wrote pages about you and burnt them, just to see if you could still say my name. in a spelling too wrong to overcome, or disappear into a cold air flame. so much thought to being next to a girl like me, I try to glow it down so you can shine. to every picture ...

The outsides are still rigid and rough, I dream of drowning in the lakes. Watching all of the city was enough, To make me want to go down till it breaks. Voids of light seem to avoid me, Or I'm just running from the best. Not proud to admit the blame's on me, Too scared to know if I failed the test. This phase isn't a phase anymore; Rather stare at a stone than my face. It's more than just anything I've worn, Want to rip my skin yet heal with pace. Doses of insecurity fed by society; I'm high but I'm the one to blame. For the differences and all the variety, I've built up in myself in pieces of shame. Everyone thought they kept me warm, But my ice heart didn't melt even an inch. Still, feel like running away after the storm, But I'm too cold to move or even flinch.

It's nurtured and damaged, So used that I can't feel it. Tried my best to protect it, But it's a beauty so damaged. It's loved and abused.  So much that it can't handle. Did everything for it not to be a scandal, But its a feather faded and over-used. It's special and sceptical. With trustworthy boundaries broken, And all the nights guilt has awoken. But it's such a shameful miracle. It's exceptional and underrated, On the verge to vanish and flourish Confused on which side lies it's wish For it's a voice too good to be wasted in a room full of noise. It's kind but made of stone. Too well put to let the guard down, So built up to vent it all out. But it's more than and object to dust alone. It's adorned and thrown. On the bathroom floor feeling unheard, Trying not to unfold and stay with the herd, But it's just a person who's words are unknown.

The knots were tied and strings still rust, we both knew our time was passing dust. Maybe it's the pressure of not seeing you, or the inclination to run away with you. Eighteen and school was closing at our start, we held on to each other until the ceiling was tilted right, but we never thought about the fact that we'd have to part in a couple of months or a few moments in white light. The untamed agony of the lost and found can all just be in my head, but I've drowned. Too much into this feeling I once thought was cute, too much in the thought of us and the rest is mute. When you know it'll end and it'll be gone to dirt, when you both agreed to ignore the alert, we knew something extraordinary was up, we knew something weirdly unsettling was stirred up. It's the most painful thing to know you have to let go, and now every time I hold you, I'm scared it's the last time. I can't feel my arms anymore, but I don't want to let go, like I'm trying...

Steps so quite, No one will notice him passing by. Breathing so shallow, No one has to know he's living by. Eyes so intense, But no one notices the brief lie. But it's all enough. Enough to make him feel the resilience, Enough to make him yeel in silence. Enough to run to loose his breath, Just so he's forced to catch it. The faint sound of his own breath, Enough to make him want to stop it. Questions; There're no right questions, just questions. Answers, Zipped in his mind of situations. Everything He gave up for, whispers with inhibitions. But it's all enough. Enough not to stop thinking bout consequences, Enough to love sinking in all the numb senses. Enough for him to stay trapped, Feeling safe just with himself. Enough to feel so strapped, To that place frozen like an ice shelf. Cold so warm, The bareness in his eyes of flame. Too modest To be in sight of all the ongoing fame. Blind and deaf For voices and nuisance from the blame. Still it's all enough. Eno...

grieving is beautiful, isn't it? all the days self doubting, all the noons self ranting, all the nights self deprecating. there's beauty in that valley, isn't there? so low yet feels like you're high, so invisible but catches the eye, so thoroughly shaded but why? oh how beautiful is it to be delusional. in the way her thought proceeds,  in the way her mind utterly bleeds, in the way she's living her deeds. the moon is beautiful, isn't it? among the stars but special and alone, admired enough to be on a throne,  listening to stories of the unknown. so much beauty in her mild thoughts,  pictures ivy covering the wet walls, the smell of wood down the halls, she freezes her world beside the falls. 

We were so young and unaware, Not knowing what we spoke about every day. It wasn't just words after that stare, Pieces of my heart lay down on your way. You stood there in the pouring rain, Lookin' so unfazed by your periphery. I couldn't promise a dance with the pain, The thought of getting bruised by the fall was so jittery. But I think we bruised ourselves, With every secret glace and comment. We let the guards fall like the shelves, With every secret touch and moment. We spoke when we weren't speaking, The excitement filled me way too much. We seek a lot when we aren't seeking, The wait is too painfully fun yet so much. I was just fifteen when you said things. Things that felt like wearing broken rings, Things that made me believe in invisible strings, Things I wish I never heard before you cut our wings.