a letter I'd never send

-
you're doing so well 
in that new tool kit,
but I'll still wonder—
what if we didn't quit?
rating stories of our friends back home,
silent promises 
let our hearts still roam.

old letters in the back of my book
yell tales of the days of stealing a look.
we were in the corner dancing to Perfect,
still in the corner, senses wrecked.

walk through the same roads, familiar places,
hold each other the way I'd die for.
does your dad hate me for leaving traces?
that's old news now, except the letters I tore.

do you speak like the person I knew?
or like the person, I was never gonna know.
do you still slip my name out of the blue?
or you've forgotten how it used to flow.

the wait before you showed up in the room,
the nausea on my way to your place,
always ended up in a weird feeling of fume,
the ride back home with tears down my face.

the version of me
who was loved by you—
letting go, while still holding on to.
loving myself 
felt wrong when you 
weren't there 
to say you loved me too.

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